Climbing out of a trench of despair

Sam in despair

When life gets hard, sometimes you have to stop to catch your breath — stop to calm your thumping heart.

Everyone develops scars in their lifetime. Some of these scars heal fast and disappear and others will never leave you. Eventually, you sink into that abyss where all you see and hear is an echo or a reminder of your past wounds that sting and burn every time you think about it. And you wonder if the pain will stop, but the more you think about it the more it hurts.

I recently received another scar when my dad passed away. I’ve felt every emotion a human feels in a short amount of time. There was a time when I didn’t know if I could ever play basketball again or pick up a guitar and strum. Those were the times I cherished most was when we would shoot baskets together. And then I felt I walked this earth alone when the only sound in the gym was my basketball hitting the floor.

This quote, ” I had to experience despair, I had to sink into the greatest mental depths in order to live again. I was reborn a child without fear ” I felt that it explained my experience accurately since there was a time where I was completely lost. I felt that I couldn’t be anything without my dad to guide me. I strayed from the path and I couldn’t find my way back. I didn’t know what I wanted with my life anymore. I thought about what it would be like to join my father again. But then I realized that would mean taking the easy way out. I know I was dealt a crappy hand but its my job to make the best of it. Taking the easy way out is not what God wants. He sees your pain and he only gives you what he knows you can handle. After all, pain is only weakness leaving the body.

It took time but eventually I saw that my life was an example of all my dad’s sacrifices. Wasting myself by throwing my life away or making poor choices would be a waste of my dad’s hard work. I see now that everything I put my mind to or word hard in I dedicated to my dad. When you lose someone that had a big impact on your life,  you see that your actions reflect on them. Eventually, for me every shot I took or song I’d play was in memory of my dad. Instead of fighting the demons within, and without a purpose, you start to fight for those you love. Then life gets easier to where you can see your purpose in this world.

You find hope by fighting for those you love.

In that trench you found yourself in, you see a light. And that is hope, that one day you will get through this.

When my dad told me his cancer was terminal, I asked why you and why me? There are many evil people in this world that live comfortable lives and we’re stuck on this boat. My dad just looked at me and said, “We have no power to deal with death and judgment. All of us wish the pain away but that is not for them to decide, all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Then I asked why does it end here? We have so much more to do and see. And my dad said, “End? This is not the end. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s